Mike’s Family Blog

The in-law side of the family came out from Calgary this week to visit.  We took a few pictures, the better ones will be uploaded to the gallery.  This one of Jonathan with his Opa (Great Grandfather) was a cute one.

For my money, however, if Jonathan wants to play a ‘windy’ instrument, I hope he chooses bagpipes.  Personally, I prefer the highland music to the oompah music.

LIZARD BIRTHING
If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD!

Overview: I had to take my son’s lizard to the vet.

Here’s what happened:

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was “something wrong” with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.
“He’s just lying there looking sick,” he told me. “I’m serious dad, can you help?”
I put my best lizard-healer statement on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.

“Honey,” I called, ” come look at the lizard!”

“Oh my! gosh,” my wife diagnosed after a minute. “She’s having babies.”

“What?” my son demanded. “But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!” I was equally outraged.

“Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn’t want them to reproduce,” I accused my wife.

“Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?” she inquired.(I actually think she said this sarcastically!)

“No, but you were supposed to get two boys!” I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together).

“Yeah, Bert and Ernie!” my son agreed.

“Well, it’s just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know,” she informed me. (again with the sarcasm, you think?

By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. “Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience, I announced. “We’re about to witness the miracle of birth.”

“Oh, gross!” they shrieked.

“Well, isn’t THAT just great! What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?” my wife wanted to know. (I really do think she was being snotty here, too. Don’t you?

We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later. “We don’t appear to be making much progress,” I noted.

“It’s breech,” my wife whispered, horrified.

“Do something, Dad!” my son urged.

“Okay, okay.” Squeamishly , I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.

“Should I call 911,” my eldest daughter wanted to know. “Maybe they could talk us through the trauma.” (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)

“Let’s get Ernie to the vet,” I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.
“Breathe, Ernie, breathe,” he urged

“I don’t think lizards do Lamaze,” his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God’s sake.)

The Vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal t hrough a magnifying glass “What do you think, Doc, a C-section?” I suggested scientifically.

“Oh, very interesting,” he murmured. “Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?” I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.

“Is Ernie going to be okay?” my wife asked.

“Oh, perfectly,” the Vet assured us. “This lizard is not in labour. In fact, that isn’t EVER going to happen… Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um…. um…. masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back.” He blushed, glancing at my wife.

“Well, you know what I’m saying, Mr. Cameron.” We were silent, absorbing this.

“So Ernie’s just… just… excited,” my wife offered.

“Exactly,” the vet replied, relieved that we understood.

More silence. Then my viscous, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly. “What’s so funny?” I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.

Tears were now running down her face. Laughing “It’s just… that… I’m picturing you pulling on its… its… teeny little…” she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.

“That’s enough,” I warned. We thanked the Vet and hurriedly bundled the lizards and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay.

“I know Ernie’s really thankful for what you’ve done, Dad,” he told me.

“Oh, you have NO idea,” Closed mouth, my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.

1 - Lizards - $140…
2 - Cage - $50…
3 - Trip to the Vet - $30…
4 - Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard’s winkie….. Priceless

Moral of the story - finish biology class - lizards lay eggs.

Taken from the Winnipeg Free Press.
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E-mail hoax regarding Mars resurfaces
Earthlings have nothing to fear, astronomers say

Sat Aug 12 2006

By Barbara Aggerholm

KITCHENER, Ont. — If the planet Mars is as close to Earth as it’s rumoured to be, there’s only one thing to do: Duck. Now.

An anonymous e-mail, complete with a PowerPoint presentation, is making the rounds and creating some excitement among Earthlings who don’t normally keep track of sky events.

“The Red Planet is about to be spectacular!” the e-mail trumpets. On Aug. 27, Mars will be closer to Earth than it has ever been “in recorded history,” it says. “Mars will look as large as the full moon to the naked eye.”

Now before you haul out the lawn chairs and start the Mars party guest list, you’d better consider this: The e-mail is a hoax. Not even a new one.

The same e-mail circulated last year and the year before that too, causing friends, neighbours and even family members to pump local amateur astronomers for more information then, just as they’re doing now.

“I’ve had 20 people come up to me to ask about it,” said Darryl Archer, a serious amateur astronomer who lives outside Baden, Ont.

“My sister sent it (the bogus e-mail) to me yesterday and I said, ‘Oh no, my sister should know better.’”

It’s a good thing it isn’t true, said Archer, whose photography has been featured in astronomy magazines. Because if Mars were to come as close as the e-mail promises, all hell would break loose.

“If that happens, it’s really bad. It means Mars is out of orbit and it will hit the Earth,” he said.

Archer’s photograph of Mars, taken in October when Mars was high in the sky, is included in an article by Terence Dickinson, editor of SkyNews, that debunks the Mars e-mail.

“Mars did in fact come closest to Earth in recorded history on Aug. 27, but that was Aug. 27, 2003, not this year,” Dickinson wrote in the article called The Mars Hoax.

“It was bright, but it looked like a bright star, not anything like the full moon. Never has. Never will.”

In August 2003, Dickinson wrote, Mars did indeed come within 56 million kilometres of Earth, which set a 60,000-year record. It was bright then, he said, but any other time it looks just like a “moderately bright star.”

It just so happens that the 2006 Perseid meteor shower will peak today and tomorow. After sunset, spread your blanket, lie down and look up at the sky. It won’t be all that dark, due to light from the moon, but you’ll see something, which is more than you can say about Mars.

– Waterloo Region Record

Wow, so a huge ring of terrorists was busted in London and around the world. Hopefully, as time goes on, investigators will keep that noose tight around terrorism plotters.

While not surprising, I do find it interesting that the sophistication of the planned bombs has gotted to this level. Assembly, right on the plane, from common items, other than the explosive itself. What I do find interesting is this, movies thought of this idea years ago. So why did it take so long for terrorists to come up with it?

BTW, because my blog now contains some keywords that investigators look for, it’ll probably get flagged for a viewing just to make sure I’m not involved in organizing terrorist activity. The only thing I organize is Special Olympics events and volunteers. Hi guys and keep up the good work and hey, if you live in the area, I am recruiting volunteers for Special Olympics events.

Even more interesting is if this attack had been carried out on July 11 2006, it would have been known as… ready for this?

7-11

Well, how about this for peachy?
The same system that I described below crossed Lake Winnipeg and spawned a tornado in the Gull Lake area killing one woman when her trailer was overturned. The tornado touched down and slammed into a 26 spot trailer campground causing all sorts of havoc.  This was about 40 minutes after we went through the system.  It appears that when we went through it, it was still building strength.
The photo below was taken from the Winnipeg Free Press website.

Wouldn’t you know it. All this sun and heat we’ve been having and the first chance we have to head to the beach and we get rained on. But not just any rain, no… some wicked thunderstorms!

Knowing that the weather was coming, we head out anyways. We were, after all heading 90 minutes North to a small town called Riverton. There’s a nice little secluded beach there. No amenities, but no crowds. When we get there, the wind had already picked up and we knew it was too cool to set up shop to have even an hour of beach time. The wind was strong enough that Jonathan was figuring out how to walk against it. The noise of the crashing waves gave him pause as well. So we walked along the beach for a little while before getting into the car. While strapping him in, a lightning bolt and huge clap of thunder announced that the storm had arrived.

I took a few photos and then seeing a good bit of lightning in the distance and striking the lake, I pulled out the video camera. Only to find that I had left it ON after I finished doing some video capture! A nicely charged battery was DEAD! Arrgh. I think I got about 90 seconds of video.

Driving on and through the downpour, we decided to go into Hecla provincial park. There, we had a picnic lunch, did some sightseeing and then back on the road again. Knowing that the Iclandic Festival was happening in Gimli, that’s where we decided to head next. Just after leaving Hecla, we drove through a second downpour before it cleared.

At Gimli, we spent about an hour walking through town before the skies blackened again with yet another system. Back to the car and time to head home anyways. But that’s where it got fun! Ten minutes south of Gimli, we went through the hardest driving rain of the day. It was hard enough to start throwing hailstones at us. And then we noticed a rotating air mass. My first thought… COOL! The second was, hmmm, that’s awfully close to us. I had pulled off to have a good look but then decided to get back on the road and race south of it. The wind picked up really good at that point. I’m not sure if we missed anything exciting form out of the first mass we saw. Once I figured we were a safe enough distance to the south, I stopped again hoping to look back and see anything. The wind was travelling North East so we weren’t in any danger.

That’s when we noticed a second rotating mass of air. This one started forming a horizontal ropy funnel cloud that started stretching out. This time I knew we were safe judging from the direction everything was flowing. So, out comes the camera to take some pictures. Lisa’s hoping nothing forms out of it and I’m hoping it does. There’s no trailer parks, so what would be more exciting than to see a tornado first hand? Well, it wasn’t to be. After getting off a few good shots, two of which are below, it spun itself out to the east of us before it reached the lake.

Oh well, I guess I’ll have to get out and chase some more storms.
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My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday.
He asked me how old I was, and I told him, “62.” He was quiet for a moment and then he asked, “Did you start at 1?”
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After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.
At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, Putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, “Who was THAT?”
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A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own Childhood was like “We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.” The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!”
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My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, “Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?” I mentally polished my halo while I asked, “No, how are we alike?” “You’re both old,” he replied.
———————–
A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather’s word processor. She told him she was writing a story. “What’s it about?” he asked. “I don’t know,” she replied. “I can’t read.”
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I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her colours yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what colour it was. She would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, “Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!”
———————-
When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects.
Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, “It’s no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights.”
——————–
When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, “I’m not sure.” “Look in your underwear, Grandma,” he advised. “Mine says I’m Four to six.”
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A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, “Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today.” The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool.
“That’s interesting,” she said, “How do you make babies?” “It’s simple,”
replied the girl. “You just change ‘y’ to ‘i’ and add ‘es’”
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Children’s Logic: “Give me a sentence about a public servant,” said a teacher. The small boy wrote: “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.” The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. “Don’t you know what pregnant means?” she asked. Sure,” said the young boy confidently. “It means carrying a child.”
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A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog’s duties. They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster.
“No, said another, “he’s just for good luck.” A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs”, she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrant.”

In a previous post, I was talking about how hot and dry we’ve been here in Winnipeg. Now we’ve got some records to go with it.

At 10.5mm of rain in July, it’s the driest since people have been recording the weather in 1873. Previous driest, 13.5mm in 1875.

Total June/July precipitation of 39.5 beat the record of 47.5mm in 1886.

Total precipitation from April to July was the fourth driest since 1873. The record is 1980’s 76.1.

People are crossing their fingers that we don’t beat the August record of 3.3mm in 1915.

Almost funny, the last two years we’ve had far too much rain. Now there’s not enough… unless you’re a cactus.

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On another note about heat… Jonathan had his first taste of something spicy yesterday. We had made some spicy chicken breasts. We gave him two small bite sized pieces to try. The first piece, no problem, the second piece went in and then about that moment, the spice started heating up his tongue. Out came the half chewed chicken, out came his tongue waving in the air as he made the panting sound we all make when something’s too spicy. We gave him some juice so he could try and cool things down. But for the next few bites of something else, that tongue kept wagging in the air.

Someone out there is saying, “How mean to give a baby something spicy!” It wasn’t all that spicy, honest! It also wasn’t planned, he just wanted some chicken. But it was funny! Besides, you know how some people pucker up when sucking plain lemons? Just like his cousins, the lemon doesn’t even phase him.